she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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