So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
