Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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