yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
