your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize