ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
