you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
