Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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