She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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