3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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