Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
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