Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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