i think i have two assholes
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
