Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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