i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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