I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
