i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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