I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
