It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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