I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he thought i was a dude.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize