i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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