Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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