Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
