Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
