Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
NoShamevember. You game?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
