I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he puts the penis in happiness.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
