somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
