So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
