If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
