So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
