Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
