just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
