she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize