Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
