Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
