is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
