my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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