I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
His nipple licking is glorious
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