Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
