Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
