saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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