I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize