Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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