____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
