There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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