On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
