you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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