dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize