My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize