Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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