Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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