Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
