Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
