we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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