Just fell off a train. Bad.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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