In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just pee around me
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
