Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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