i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
