it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
