I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
