if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
