the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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