highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
