If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
