If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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