Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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