So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
