I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
