I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
