fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
