I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
we made out on top of his cat.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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