Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize