oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
