I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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