My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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