I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
