I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
