a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
