dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
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