i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
