I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
