She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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