Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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