well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Randomize